Dick Small's Blog

For the ladies (or whoever is interested):

2006-08-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

It seems I may have left some female readers of my blog feeling cheated because of the previous cheesecake post. Who knew one simple post would spark such heated debate and controversy! So to be fair to all my female readers (which makes up about 98% of my viewers), I present you THIS. Click on picture for a larger view. Enjoy!

2006-08-21T15:24:00.000-07:00

In SOME respects, I am SO glad the 70's are over.

Mainline Mom's blog. She's one classy chick. Makes me wonder why she visits MY site...

2006-08-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

waterwatereverywhere.blogspot.com Click on picture for a larger image (go ahead, you know you want to).

2006-08-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

mistergravelysblog.blogspot.com

Tagged again!

2006-08-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Teri tagged me (I'll get her). So here goes: 4 jobs I've had: 1. Textile Factory lab tech. 2. Fast food restaurant. 3. Receptionist (yes, receptionist. Got a problem with that???). 4. The company I presently own. 4 movies I could watch over and over: 1. Jaws. 2. Harold and Maude. 3. Beetlejuice. 4. Deep Throat. 4 places I have lived: 1. Chatham, Mass. 2. Hastings, FL. 3. Truro, Mass. 4. Where I live now, which I'm not telling. 4 TV shows I love to watch: 1. MXC. 2. Talk Soup (do they still aire that?). 3. Spongebob Squarepants. 4. The Brady Bunch. 4 places I have been on vacation: 1. Hawaii (I rented a beach house from a drug dealer). 2. Laguna Beach, CA. 3. Cape Cod, Mass. (before I moved there). 4. Jensen Beach, FL. 4 websites I visit daily: 1. Dick Small. 2. Mister Gravely. 3. Rapunzel. 4. 70s-child. 4 fave foods: 1. Babyback Ribs (with fries and beer). 2. Lasagna. 3. Home-made Pizza. 4. Buffalo wings. 4 places I'd like to be right now: I'm happy where I'm at.

2006-08-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

Jen did a post on "Toasters" today (or was it yesterday), and well, I just couldn't let her have ALL the fun... Click on picture for larger image.

2006-08-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

I just love that little guy! Click on picture for larger image.

2006-08-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

I could have lived just on these when I was a kid.

2006-08-18T02:18:00.000-07:00

I think we all know this is how it REALLY works.

My worst-ever Christmas gift:

2006-08-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

The worst present I ever got for Christmas was from my mother. It was in my Christmas stocking. I was 19. It was a carton of cigarettes - Marlboro's, the red label. The worst part about it was that I had quit smoking 2 weeks before that. I started up again but eventually quit. I'm giving mom the benefit of the doubt that she meant well....

My old boss Dennis (or was it Dereck):

2006-08-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

My second job was a fast food restaurant in Florida. I was 17. I got along with everyone pretty much okay, except for Dennis. He got mad when I asked questions (definitely a Class C-type personality). I had the grunt position (emptying trash, cleaning the freezer, etc.), but when busses would come in, I would be put on sandwich production. The problem was that I didn't know how to make the sandwiches, and Dennis would get mad at me for asking how and not tell me. I didn't last long. I stopped coming in, and 30 days later the boss (not Dennis) called and said: "Um, are you coming in anymore??". Man, I've really had some crappy jobs....

2006-08-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

You Are 40% Bipolar

Overall, you're a pretty stable person. You may be a bit moody, but nothing out of what's normal. As long as your emotions aren't severe, you're totally in control!

Are You Bipolar?

2006-08-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

Myself and my business partner are very into real-estate. We've done several deals together. In our town there's a building on a river we were thinking of buying. It's vacant and you can buy it for $5,000. An inn was talked about as it's end-use. Turns out that the building used to be a slaughterhouse. We were going to call it The Slaughterhouse Inn. Nothing ever happened on it, unfortunately. It still stands vacant.

Sunday Cartoon for Sunday, August 13th, 2006

2006-08-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

Click on picture for larger image.

Teri and Zed

2006-08-13T02:23:00.000-07:00

These are 2 fellow bloggers who often leave comments on my site: Teri and Zed. I've never met them in person so I'm only guessing as to their appearances. But this seems about right.

2006-08-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hahahaaaahahahaaaa!!!!!

2006-08-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

Isn't it great how cake can just make everything okay??

A salute to our Undercover CIA Operatives:

2006-08-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

Every day I am so thankful for those of our CIA officials who work undercover. The above gentleman served me faithfully for 4 years. We called him Troy. He single-handedly foiled 3 assassination attempts. He was also an exceptional bomb de-fuser, and he spoke fluent French. That's pretty much it, really....

2006-08-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one who finds this odd?

2006-08-10T12:13:00.000-07:00

Everyone has their price.

Click picture for a larger image.

Our foreign exchange student.

2006-08-10T02:47:00.000-07:00

A short time ago, we hosted a foreign exchange student. His name was William. He got straight A's. Unfortunately, he most wanted to go into show business. He sang for us a couple of times, but this boy could not sing. But we did enjoy his company, and we all keep in touch from time to time. He sent us the above CD a few years ago. He asked how we liked it. We didn't have the heart to tell him the truth.

2006-08-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

Click on picture for larger image.

They brainwashed my son.

2006-08-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

In 1972, my son Peter ran away. I was beside myself. A week later he called me and let me know he was "okay" and "was staying with some friends". He called me collect and we talked for an hour, but I didn't mind because at least I knew where he was.... until I got my phone bill and saw the call was placed from New Mexico. A month later he said he "got an apartment" and was "doing well". They were "cutting a record for charity". I thought, well, at least he's doing something constructive and creative, so I was fine with that. But when he sent me the above album, that's when it all hit me....

2006-08-06T04:57:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, some will just NEVER grasp the concept. Click on picture for a larger image.

2006-08-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

Even though I've had a rather lengthy (and somewhat checkered) career in Washington, I've actually only met Al Gore once. We were guest speakers at a Greenpeace convention. Just as Mister Gore got up to speak on the podium, he was informed by hotel management that his parking could not be validated. I must say, I've never seen anyone as angry as he got. I was like: "Whoa Al, buddy, it's okay! Relax! Let me buy you a drink!". But he was SO upset, it took him quite a while to calm down. Here is a picture of him as he was complaining about the slow service, the fact that it took 30 minutes to have a vegetarian pizza delivered to his suite, and that there was no complimentary shower cap or hair dryer in his luxury suite's master bathroom. I'm afraid Mister Gore never could handle bad news very well. And then when he discovered he'd left his TOOTHBRUSH at home ... well, it was not a pleasant evening at ALL.....

Most Extreme Elimination Challenge

2006-08-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

Just before I got rid of my TV, this was my all-time hands-down favorite show. I don't know if Spike still aires it, but if you've never seen MXC on Spike TV, you're missing out. Some contestants get hurt really bad, it's hillarious.

2006-08-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

COOL

2006-08-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

That Laura Bush is so cute! Click picture for a larger view.

2006-08-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

"Look Honey, I bought you a washing machine! Now you can do even MORE housework!"

2006-08-04T06:24:00.000-07:00

My fellow blogger Teri is constantly whining about doing housework. It can get rather annoying, but I put up with it as best I can.

I think this speaks volumes:

2006-08-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

“'But I don’t want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can’t help that,' said the Cat. 'We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.''How do you know I’m mad?' said Alice.'You must be,” said the Cat. 'or you wouldn’t have come here.'”

Let your creativity flow.

2006-08-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

http://tamponcrafts.com

2006-08-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

Click on picture for a larger view.

2006-08-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

I just love Italian food, well except when someone's hair is hanging in it. I mean, I like angel hair pasta, not Gotti hair pasta...

Oh yeah..

2006-08-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

I also hate the customers at convenience stores who, after paying for their gas and whatever else, then begin to order lottery tickets. Why can't they pay for everything at once?? Like I'm standing in line because I have nothing better to do and enjoy "meeting people". I mean, am I the only one??! Sheesh... What the hell is wrong with those people, anyway?? Sometimes I wish I had a baseball bat.

Quality Time

2006-08-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I recently took a trip to Kansas to visit family. I stayed with my sister Dorothy for the night. She lives in a planned retirement community just southeast of Wichita. We went to her favorite restaurant (which, now that she's officially a senior, happens to be Denny's). I've never seen someone pack it away like my sister did that night. She had "The Lumberjack Grand Slam", the "Moon Over My Hammy", and the "Polynesian Pancake Paradise with Home Fries", as well as several refills on her coffee. I really wanted to talk, but honestly she was so busy cramming those home fries in her mouth, we hardly spoke. I only had a cup of coffee and a bagel, but she is such a ravenous eater she had half of it (that's it there in front of her). I've always been a rather light eater, myself. All in all, it really wasn't a bad visit. I'm looking forward to seeing her again soon, someday.

2006-08-01T12:09:00.000-07:00

This is my grand daughter, Patience. She bears a very strong family resemblance. She's the joy of my life. I'm one proud granddaddy.

Getting back to my roots.

2006-08-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

Back in 1972 I had learned through some ancestral detective work (thanks to Teri), that I had relatives that were black. That thrilled me to no end, so soon after that I did everything I could to celebrate my 'blackness'. I had the above afro, as well as a dashiki. I even bought a soul-food cookbook from which I learned several great recipes which I still prepare from time to time. Some say I might have went a little overboard, but that's okay. I'm proud of my heritage. Thanks, Teri!

2006-07-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

Click picture for a larger image.

2006-07-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

Man, I hate it when vegetarians get all self-righteous. Click on picture for larger image.

2006-07-31T08:34:00.000-07:00

THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED DUE TO THE LAME NATURE OF IT'S CONTENT, AND BECAUSE I STOLE THE JOKE AND TRIED TO PASS IT OFF AS MY OWN (I FEEL SO CHEAP)..... THE AUTHOR REGRETS ANY PAIN THIS MIGHT HAVE CAUSED, AND MY APOLOGIES TO JACK, JANET, AND CHRISSIE. THANK YOU.

Dinner with the Smalls:

2006-07-31T07:26:00.000-07:00

Dinner at our house is always interesting, especially when I host a dinner party. I always invite a few of my former roommates from the institution, and Dixie and Peter often show up also. It starts out pretty quietly at first, but after everyone has "a few" things pretty much spiral out of control, especially when Uncle Larry starts belting out Sammy Davis Jr. songs (he's so delusional, but he's family so we put up with it as best we can). I'm a fairly decent chef, my specialties are Beef Wellington, Noodles Alfredo, and Baked Alaska. Dixie makes a pretty decent Brown Apple Betty, and Jen often sends over her herbal brownies (although we try to keep Larry away from the brownies, because a delusional white guy who thinks he's Sammy Davis Junior and herbal brownies just don't mix well, I'm afraid).

Dinner with the Smalls part 2

2006-07-31T03:13:00.000-07:00

Usually, this is how my dinner parties end, I'm afraid.

2006-07-29T07:09:00.000-07:00

This guy is SO dead:

2006-07-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

This happened with my first wife (may she rest in everlasting peace). Let's just say it was extremely unpleasant. Click on the picture for a larger view.

It's all about me, baby!!

2006-07-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

1. LAST MOVIE YOU'VE SEEN IN A THEATRE? King Kong 2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? 2 years 3. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DROPPED YOUR CELL PHONE? I don't have a cell phone 4. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? Ham and cheese on a toasted bagel. 5. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? If they're wearing a wedding ring. 6. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? New York (Not manhattan. Upstate New York). 7. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER? I just said I don't have a cell phone! Pay attention!! 8. FAVORITE MALL STORE: I avoid malls out of principle. 9. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE? No. Since the invention of caller I.D. you never know what kind of trouble you can get into. Damn.... 10. FAVORITE FOOD? Babyback Ribs with fries and beer. 11. IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHICH FRIEND WOULD YOU CALL FIRST? Friends??????? 12. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT? I don't have one. Does Olive Garden count??? 13. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD? "I smoked, but I didn't inhale". Yeah, right. 14. WHAT ITEM COULD YOU NOT LIVE WITHOUT? I'll have to get back to you on this one. 15. DO YOU DRIVE? Yes, but not often. Only if I'm by myself. My driving makes my passengers nervous, and I can't say I blame them. 16. NAME SOMETHING STUPID YOU HAVE CRIED ABOUT? A Hallmark commercial. 17. MOST DISLIKED FOOD: Liver and onions. 18. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: I don't know, it's hard to narrow it to just ONE thing. 19. DOES SOMEONE HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU RIGHT NOW: I don't know. 20. FAVORITE MOVIE? Either "Jaws" or "Harold and Maude". 21. NAME ONE BAD HABIT? I don't really have any bad habits. If I can think of one later I'll post it. 22. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED? Tina Turner in '85. 23. LAST MOVIE RENTED: I don't rent movies. 24. THING YOU NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT? Wallet. 25. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT? Hawaii. Been there once, want to go back. 26. WHAT DO YOU DRIVE? Minivan. But please don't tell anyone. 27. DO YOU HAVE PETS? 1 dog. 28. NAME 3 THINGS YOU HATE: 1. Doing Laundry 2. Spiders 3. Working (sorry I stole this from Jen's but I can't think of anything right now. I'm pretty easy-going). 29. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER? Desktop . 30. DO YOU SMOKE? I don't smoke cigarettes. 31. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT? Monica Lewinsky. 32. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Rum raisin. 33. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? twice. 34. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? French Toast. 35. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE? Please. Only some sick, twisted, derranged deviant doesn't like coffee (um, nothing personal to you non-coffee drinkers). How can you not like coffee?!?!?! Irish coffee's the best (with a shot of whiskey). 36. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Omelette. Western Omelette with homefries. And beer. 37. FAVORITE DRINK? Beer. 38. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING? McDonald's. 39. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OF A SONG? "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Special orders don't upset us. All we ask is that you let us serve it your way." 40. TELL ME 2 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF. Some say I suffer from multiple personality disorder, and that I'm unstable. 41. WHEN WAS THE LAST PARTY YOU WENT TO? I don't remember. I got pretty trashed, I guess..... 42. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Fall. It could be fall all year, as far as I'm concerned. 43. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? I can't remember, but I DO remember that I was the only one laughing. Damn..... 44. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING? 6:00 45. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER? Nothing. I hate winter. 46. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET? Last year, for not wearing a seatbelt. That bastard. 47. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED? Over-rated. 48. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND? None of your damn business. 49. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW - Nothing but vaseline.

2006-07-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

YES, HE IS ALIVE. HE IS REAL.

America, land of the free.... well, for the most part.

2006-07-28T03:49:00.000-07:00

These are sad days, my fellow Americans. The days of free speech are coming to a close little by little. A few days ago a fellow blogger was fired from his job, not because of poor work performance, but because of his blog. Apparantly some co-worker didn't appreciate the content of his site, reported it to the 'higher-ups' and thus our blogging friend was canned. This could have terrible ramifications for all of us, my friends. If you are a blogger, and you like your job, you better think about concealing your true identity or otherwise you may be looking for another job in the near future. I never thought I'd see the day (in America).

2006-07-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my dog, Bear (he came with the name. I'm really not that imaginative with names. I probably would have name him Chuck, or something). Jen suggested I post it (man, she's bossy. Like she doesn't have her own blog to "concern" herself with). Anyway, when I walk him down the street, people have said "Wow, I bet he makes a great watchdog!". Yeah, right.

NO!! PLEASE NO!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-24T15:04:00.000-07:00

In 1997 Pat Boone released THIS stunning CD, probably as the result of a very traumatic mid-life crisis. 4 of the gems on this beauty were: "Crazy Train", "Stairway to Heaven", "Smoke on the Water", and "Panama"... HAHAHAHhaHAhaaaahaha!!!!!

Talent runs deep in our family.

2006-07-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Everyone, please meet my cousin Marty and his lovely wife, Midge. They're both Vegas performers that go way back. They started their acts around the same time as the Rat Pack in the early 60's. The best part of their act is the "Ventriloquist dummy" bit where Midge sits on Marty's lap like a Ventriloquist puppet and basically says insulting things to the audience. A couple of times things got a little out of hand and Marty got beat up pretty bad. But they're true performers so they didn't let that stop them. They both live in Sun City next to my sister Gladys and commute to Vegas every other weekend. I hear from them from time to time.

2006-07-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

And this is Starletta, the daughter of Cletus and Starla. Starla is convinced that this girl has talent and beauty. Unfortunately she does not. Here is a picture of Starletta after coming in at 12th place in the 'Little Miss Louisiana' pageant (sad thing was there were only 12 girls competing, Starletta being one of them). She doesn't take losing well, I'm afraid. I hope she learns how to handle it one of these days. I just wish I had the heart to tell her....

2006-07-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

These 2 "gentlemen" were the ones all my colleagues in Washington would "hire" whenever any messy work needed to be done. For the sake of their anonymity, I will call them Troy and Roy. They were idiots, but they usually worked for beer and cigarettes, so they were rather inexpensive help. Troy and Roy did the usual dumpster diving and arranged meetings for high-priced Call Girls with Senators, only to have the police "mysteriously" show up - which pretty much brought many rising Washington careers to a halt. They were so good, the police could never figure out who the tipster was, but I knew. They were also pretty efficient in photographing politicians in some rather compromising situations, bribe-taking shots were their specialty. They got rather sloppy eventually (and they were never really bright to begin with), and are now doing 10 to 20 years apiece. I'll sort of miss those guys... well, not really.

2006-07-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

Having a good work ethic will get you far in life. Click on picture for a larger image.

2006-07-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

If you post a comment saying you don't understand this comic, I will find you, and I will kill you. Click on the picture for a larger image.

2006-07-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

Larry comes out of the closet. Being 'outed' is always painful, I'm sure. Click on picture for a larger view.

My cousin Paula's wedding....

2006-07-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

...basically sucked. But at least it was on the beach. And after 3 rum and cokes it really wasn't SO bad. Click on picture for a larger image.

2006-07-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone please meet my sisters: Thelma and Louise. They married a Quaker and live in Pennsylvania. Actually, they married the same Quaker, and are 2 of 18 wives total. They don't seem to mind, but then again they always were the strange ones of the family...

2006-07-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

I would have to say that my favorite comic characters are the crocs on"Pearls Before Swine". They're so pathetically cute. They're killers but they don't seem to have a harmless bone in their body. Click on the picture for a larger image.

We could have been Kennedys:

2006-07-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

This is an old family photo. Mom is the girl holding the baby. We could have been Democrats but mom chose to register us as Republicans. Damn.... Click on pic for larger image.

2006-07-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

I always wanted a 'hyper-dimensional space' closet, but after looking at this comic I'm not so sure... Click on the picture for a larger image.

Take my advice, I'm not using it (and, unfortunately, neither is Rush Limbaugh).

2006-07-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

It appears, everyone, that my good friend Rush Limbaugh was arrested once again for posession of illegally-obtained "prescription" drugs. If I've told him once I've told him 1,000 times, "If you're going to do drugs, you need to find the right dealer and stick with them. Shopping for dealers will only get you busted". Sad to say, I was right - once again. Damn.... But hey, no need to fear, Rush! I'll put in a good word for you with 'the boys' in the big house. You may have to date one of them from time to time, but I've always said it's better to date some guy named "Moose" than to get beat up beyond recognition!

2006-07-13T15:51:00.000-07:00

I'd be lost without my morning coffee.... and my second morning coffee.... and my afternoon coffee... yeah, it's a problem. But I have this to my credit: I don't do Starbucks and I only drink regular coffee. I hate flavored coffee. Click on the picture for a larger image.

2006-07-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

I just love that dog! Click on the picture for a larger view.

Thanks Jen!

2006-07-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't know how she found it, but Jen sent me this pic. This is my great, great, great grandfather Jebediah Small and his sister Prudence. Jebediah was a civil war hero, believe it or not. His regiment wanted a change from the usual war rations, so he single-handedly captured the enemy's lasagna recipe, and that turned the table on the war. Unfortunately not for good, since he was on the Confederate side. He often made unwise choices, I'm afraid. Like when he converted his entire life savings to Confederate money. Hey, who knew it would end up being worthless??? After the war ended he became a district attorney. He served as mayor of his hometown for 1 term after the war. He also had a fairly successful French Bistro. He died peacefully at his home at 92 of natural causes. Donations may still be sent through my email address. Please make all checks out to "cash".

2006-07-11T12:22:00.000-07:00

Although It's a classic, I must admit I've always found this painting extremely disturbing. Click on picture for a larger view.

We're so sorry, uncle Albert.

2006-07-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

This, everyone, is my Uncle Albert. Albert was the first transsexual in the family. Albert simply felt like he should have been born a woman, so he had 'The Operation' 20 years ago today. The family has always been supportive of Albert (who has since changed his name to Tiffany). Tiffany is a cruise director for Rainbow Cruise Lines. Every Thanksgiving I look forward to seeing Tiffany, because she's always a joy to be around. Inside she's the nicest person you could ever hope to meet, and that's all that really matters in the end.

Uncle Albert BEFORE the snipping:

2006-07-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

And this is uncle Albert BEFORE the operation. But hey, at least he's happy. Click on picture for a larger view.

This was always one of Uncle Albert's favorites. Now we know why.

2006-07-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

The Lumberjack Song

I'm a lumberjack and I'm O.K., I sleep all night and I work all day. He's a lumberjack and he's O.K.he sleeps all night and he works all day I cut down trees I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory On Wednesday I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea. He cuts down trees he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea. I cut down trees I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothingand hang around in bars. He cuts down trees he skips and jumps He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing, And hangs around in bars? I cut down trees I wear high heels suspendies and a bra I wish I'd been a girlie just like my dear mama He cuts down trees he wears high heels? suspendies... and a bra? ...He's a lumberjack and he's OKAY He sleeps all night and works all day

2006-07-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

Click on picture for a larger view.

2006-07-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Click picture for a larger image.

There's a new girl in town, and she's feeling GOOD - got a smile, got a song for the neighborhood...

2006-07-11T03:49:00.000-07:00

http://youvegot2bkidding.blogspot.com

Everyone please welcome the newest blogger on the scene, my friend JB. She's a great gal with a great blog and a great attitude! Please do visit her and leave a kind comment or two. She's a "virgin" to the concept of blogging, so be kind, be supportive, and be THERE! Virgin- HAHAhahahahaaa!!!!

2006-07-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

Well, I can't say I totally disagree....

2006-07-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

Back in 1978, I spent many nights at Studio 54, the popular Disco in Manhattan. I was allowed inside even when younger men with hairier chests weren't allowed past the rope. Losers! That is where I first met Ethel Merman. Ethel was a great dancer. She LOVED to party. Although I must admit she got a little TOO into the drugs, but hey - all was fair in Studio 54! We smoked alot of reefer together. This is a photo someone took of Ethel in 78. Believe it or not, my hand is the one holding the cowboy hat. I often wore a wedding ring even though I wasn't married, as Ethel kept hitting on me. I told her I was married and that kept her at arm's length. She loved Donna Summer and the BeeGee's. I'll miss that woman!

2006-07-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

This marks my 100th post. I would like you all to meet my cousin: Sly. Sly is a professional boxer. He's also starred in a few low-budget movies, directed mostly by himself.... Anyway, Sly is only a year or two younger than me. He is self-conscious about his age and has had several plastic surgeries. The most recent surgery, unfortunately, was a botched collagen injection in his lower lip. He's also had implants in his cheeks and chin, but unfortunately they seem to have shifted. It's very tragic. He should have left himself alone because personally he is a great guy, and we loved him just the way he was.

2006-07-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

I hated them then, and I hate them now.

2006-07-09T15:05:00.000-07:00

For once, words fail me.

2006-07-09T02:55:00.000-07:00

When attempting to bring an investor on-board, you really have to know how to "word things" correctly. And also try to be a little vague, if you're able. It's best that potential investors aren't totally "in-the-know". Click on picture for a larger view.

2006-07-09T02:50:00.000-07:00

Whenever I swim in the ocean in Florida, I always try to make sure that there's at least one person swimming out farther than me. You can never be too careful. Click on picture for larger image.

2006-07-08T15:21:00.000-07:00

Click on picture for a larger view.

2006-07-08T13:02:00.000-07:00

HAHAAAhahaaaaaahahahaha!!!!!

Damn....

2006-07-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

You Are an Animal Print Bra!

Wild, zany, and even a little crazy. You make every date an unpredictable adventure. You want a guy who will constantly surprise you. A relationship that's the most insane ride of your life.

What Kind of Bra Are You?

I was hoping to be more of the "lace" or "Victoria's Secret" variety...

2006-07-08T09:07:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine bought this album back in the 70's when it first came out, so I did what any other true friend would do: I killed him.

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I'm not making this up:

2006-07-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Shirley Feeney's "four S's" in beer tasting: Sip, Swirl, Suck, and Swallow.

2006-07-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

I love making soup from hallucinogenic mushrooms, and serving it in nursing homes - but not telling anyone what's in it. It's SO hysterical, I "laugh my ass off"! One of the funniest moments I saw was at the Shady Rest Center when Estelle thought she was Gladys Knight and started belting out 'Midnight Train To Georgia'. Some of those seniors do the craziest things!

Click on picture for a larger image.

2006-07-06T02:53:00.000-07:00

Another post to try and add some class to this blog, but I'm afraid it's a case of "too little, too late". Damn...

Click on picture for larger image.

My nephew Horace

2006-07-06T02:44:00.000-07:00

This is my nephew Horace. He's a schoolbus driver in New Mexico. Horace was always a little "edgy", but as long as he's not startled or 'provoked' he can be somewhat mild-mannered. There's not much else to say, really. The less you know, the better. Trust me. He's single, as if that comes as a big surprise. Horace can't seem to hold on to a girlfriend (or a job) for very long. If you ladies out there are interested, let me know and I can send you his email.

2006-07-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

I know that laughter at the expense of others is just plain wrong, however those DO tend to be the best sort of laughs.... I guess it's true what they say: "You can take the man out of Washington, but you can't take the Washington out of the man."

Click picture for a larger image.

2006-07-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

Some people get so easily annoyed.

Click on picture for larger view.

2006-07-04T16:01:00.000-07:00

This is a painting of an ancestor of mine. It was painted mid 15th century. I don't know much about her, but I believe her name was Iris. Other than that, I don't know much more.. well, also the fact that she's DEAD now...

2006-07-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

Now THIS is how Iris SHOULD have done her hair, but it's too late now, I'm afraid. I mean, since she's DEAD...

Prom Night, 1986

2006-07-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

My Senior Prom was in 1986, the year I graduated High School. This was my date, Wanda. She "said" she was going to "wear a pink dress and a small tiara". I felt funny about the tiara, but figured hey, it might not look too out of place. Well, when I picked her up and she was dressed in THIS - I almost crapped my pants! When it was time to get our prom picture taken, I refused, so she got photo'd alone (I mean, can you blame me?). It was SO embarrassing, people still razz me about it. And the wand - I drove a VW Beatle, so we had to tie that thing to the roof. Man, I'll never live THAT down in a million years....

Aunt Julie

2006-07-04T02:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone please meet my aunt, Julie Hammerstein. She and her husband Roger had 7 kids. Julie is now living in Austria. Aunt Julie used to work in theater, but she gave it all up when she met uncle Roger. She often told him that he was the reason she gave up her "career", but honestly, we all knew it wouldn't last. She wasn't a very good actress, and she really couldn't even carry a tune in a duffel bag. When she worked in theater mostly she held under-study roles. I believe all 7 kids are practicing law, except for the youngest. Uncle Roger passed away several years ago under "mysterious" circumstances (to put it mildly). To this day nobody likes to talk about it.

I "failed" the US Citizenship test.

2006-07-03T11:53:00.001-07:00

You Failed the US Citizenship Test

Oops, you only got 6 out of 10 right!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Okay OKAY!!!!! So I FAILED the test. But actually I passed and am a true citizen because naturally born citizens don't NEED to know the answers to the test. It's not required if you're born here. Actually, if you're a natural born citizen you're EXPECTED to not know this stuff. I'm ashamed I even got 6 right! Damn! If you got 10 out of 10, then it's a dead giveaway you are not a naturally born citizen. It seems that if you are a true naturally born citizen you should get 4 out of 10 or lower..

Worst case scenario:

2006-07-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

CLICK ON PICTURE FOR LARGER IMAGE.

2006-07-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

You Are 64% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

My Great Great Grandfather Henry

2006-07-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

And this is my great, great, grandfather Henry. Henry was an unusual character. Henry was married several times, but nobody was ever able to "find" his former wives. Henry loved to eat, as evidenced by his massive frame. He loved chicken legs and beer, most of all. He was supposedly the head of some sort of organization, I believe he called it "England". He used to pronounce himself 'King' alot, but we all just contributed that to the dementia. He was the 8th brother in the family, and he used to call himself "King Henry the 8th". We all went along with it, because frankly he could get rather nasty when one disputed his delusional assertations. Henry passed away quite unexpectedly awhile back. We'll all miss him greatly.

2006-07-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

These are my nephews, Sigfreid and Roy (where their mother Thelma ever came up with the name "Sigfreid" is anybody's guess). They are only about 1 year apart in age. They're about as close as 2 brothers can be - almost inseperable. However, they have always been the "black sheep" of the family. I don't see much of them these days.

2006-07-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

NOBODY DOESN'T LICK SARA LEE.

My cousin Polly:

2006-07-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

I would like you all to meet my cousin, Polly Esther Small. She was about 2 years younger than I. We didn't get along too well and frankly, I never cared for her. Not because she was a jerk, quite the contrary. She was actually TOO nice. She was always being "cute" and doing "good deeds". It was rather nauseating, actually. It was always: "Dick, why can't you be more like your cousin Polly? She never gets in trouble". I still can't stand her. When I was swiping candy bars from stores, she was collecting money for Unicef, or putting on shows in the barn for some pathetic loser in the neighborhood. Here is a picture of Polly taken after she rescued an orphan from an abandoned mine shaft. Everyone was all hugging her and giving her flowers. She still annoys me. I hope I never hear from her again.